Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
