life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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