He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
