Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
