I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
