Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
