was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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