Four minutes until I can fart!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
