There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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