i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
