Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
