im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
