dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
