He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
