he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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