My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
