it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize