Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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