I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
