Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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