The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
