I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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