He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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