threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
