Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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