New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
