Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
