i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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