in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
