Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
