Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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