I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
