Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Let's get the cat blown out
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