No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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