I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Randomize
