and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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