people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We're using joints as your birthday candles
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
