But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
