My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
