Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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