his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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