If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
