She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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