fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
