we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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