I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
