Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
