I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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