I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
