So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
