You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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