hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
