dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
North Korea, Best Korea!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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