we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
