They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
