my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
