Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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