I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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