He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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