He asked to "fluff my boner.."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
