I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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