My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
