He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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