im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
