He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
