His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
