4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
