My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
