She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
