I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
