I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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