I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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