You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
