so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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