I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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