you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
